A Naked Monkey on a Mission
Or, close your eyes and ask: am I conscious?
We are social beings; just like other social animals, we have survived through cooperation within a group. For how else would a naked, clumsy monkey like us (who can’t even climb a tree) survive? And just like monkeys, we are also extremely sensitive to the idea of being excluded from the group, because it could, literally, mean our death; if you are not supported by the group and left to the wilderness by yourself, what are the chances that you will survive?
Of course, many of us live in towns and cities now, and not in the forest among predators. However, this evolution has gone so fast that our brains have not been able to evolve with it – even though we know that we won’t necessarily die if we lose our jobs, that there are new friends waiting around the corner or that a new group will be able to appreciate us, it still feels, inside, like a deep existential threat every time our social status, ego, image or, indeed, ’emotional social security’ is jeopardized in some way. And a lot of this can play out in our virtual communities, i.e. on social media.
Generazione Universo’s recent engagement with youth shows that young people today experience the excessive social media presence in our world as highly stressful. I have a gut feeling that this applies to other generations as well; if I just think about myself, a 40-something already quite deep into my career, yet struggling to find peace with what my CV actually looks like on Linkedin and what others will think of it. At the surface this may seem ridiculous – but it does point to that deep human need to belong to a supportive group that will not leave us alone in the wilderness.
However, I see a danger in my behavior, my scrolling and comparing – because isn’t this actually just feeding my ego and my ego’s fears? Do I really want my ego and my ’image’ to have such a large impact on my life, or on who I think I am? For, indeed…. who are we? And how do we really want to live our lives here on Earth? How can we dive below that surface, and into the true waters of ourselves? How can we become who we were meant to be, and especially, how can we make sure we stay on that mission while the rest of the world is pulling us in all kinds of other directions? Already Shakespeare said: This above all: to thine own self be true; but I have struggled with this phrase since teenagehood, because what does it actually mean, in practice, to be oneself? And why do trauma specialists like Gabor Mate say that the only way to heal and be happy is to become our authentic selves – some researchers going so far as saying that this mission of finding authenticity is the actual meaning of life?
Perhaps ironically (but never mind), I turn to Youtube for answers, where I find popular psychotherapist Terri Cole who says that if we can become clear on our boundaries, and learn to set healthy boundaries, we are on a good way to become our authentic selves, and I intuitively feel she has a point. For what are boundaries if not the map of our inner integrity, meaning a voice inside telling us where to draw the line in terms of what life and other people throw at us – and therefore, essentially, telling us what we are willing to tolerate and what not, and therefore who we are?
But above all, how do we stay on the right path, and indeed in touch with our boundaries and who we really are, in such a polarized world, where viewpoints not only fight against each other, but demand utmost loyalty and punishes any kind of questioning, throwing you violently to the opposite side if you even dare? The world is inflamed; the world has become extreme, and is also, literally, in flames, on fire. Merely keeping sane becomes a struggle. It is a luxury, then, to sit on a small porch somewhere in a quiet suburb, the sun caressing your face, watching bees circling playfully around flowering trees in the garden. It is a luxury to sit there, pondering upon one’s ego in the shadows of a latent midlife crisis, pouring another glass of Ginger Ale.
Last summer I read a book called Profondo come il mare, leggero come il cielo by Gianluca Gotto. In the book Gianluca, struck by a severe depression, seeks advise from a Monk. The Monk advises Gianluca to actively seek calm, in every situation, while still lovingly allowing all complicated feelings to arise and flow. He also advises him to not engage too much in his thoughts, in the stories he tells himself. Then, later, and after some struggles, Gianluca learns how to meditate, by using a method of accepting the present moment just the way it is – ’no filters’ we could say. In the book Gianluca reminds us that we are the sky – not the clouds. Or, if you will, we are the ocean – not the waves.
I guess my own mission now becomes to disentangle from the waves of social media, from the clouds in my life caused by my ego, and from the stories I keep telling myself. I will try to become who I really am – who I always was. I am already here. And, by the way, so are you. Like Gianluca Gotto would say:
If in doubt, close your eyes and ask, am I conscious? If the answer is yes, then, there you go: that is you.
And we are one and the same, the same consciousness. It is just the waves and the clouds that make us seem so different.
